i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
we're so committed to being not committed
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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