Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
