theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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