apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we're making bets on your personal life
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
