There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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