your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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