Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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