I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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