just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
