How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
