You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
