I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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