I look better un-naked...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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