just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
