Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
