First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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