Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
