Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize