Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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