You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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