Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
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