so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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