Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
