remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
