I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
