my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
