I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
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