My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
