can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
