They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
