life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
