I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
