I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
