He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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