I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
