what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
