i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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