I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
