I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
