Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
