she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
