He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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