That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
