im having a threesome with these popsicles
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
