through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
