Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize