Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
