I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
