Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm passing your future prison.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
