You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
We had sex on a dog bed..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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