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• (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

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• (831): View more from California

  period poops. best. ever.

  (925): View more from California

  omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  #1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does

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• (925): View more from California

  Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you

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• (228): View more from Mississippi

  Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.

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• (585): View more from New York

  my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.

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