Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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