He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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