I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
