Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
