Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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