I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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