she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
