My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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