I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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