Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
