conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
