Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
