If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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