She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize