I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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