at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
