I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
