Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
